paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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