I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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