I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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