Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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