This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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