90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Randomize
