OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
