It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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