I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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