I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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