I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
