I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
