he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
