marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
as a side note pls kill me
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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