Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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