the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
