Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
