Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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