Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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