Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
