whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
