I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
