I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
