Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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