I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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