I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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