I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
