I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
