I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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