dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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