then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
