i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
