why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
