when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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