I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
