i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
