well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
