The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
