is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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