So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
