Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
