he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
