He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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