I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
