I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
