capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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