im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
