12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
