Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
