Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Every concussion has its silver lining
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
