Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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