8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
