I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
