Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
