Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
