Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
