I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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