I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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