You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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