he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
