thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
