Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
