as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
