he thought i was a dude.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize