The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
