Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
only you would photoshop your dick
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
