My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
