her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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