Jerry, you need to find god
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
