he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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