Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
