I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
