Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just invented taco cereal.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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