I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
