how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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