dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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