i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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