Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize