Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
this boner is exhausting
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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