he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
