so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i dont even know how to be here
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
