They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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