My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
