I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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