So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
