My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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