The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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